Tips for an open and honest conversation about funeral wishes
We understand that talking about death with loved ones isn’t easy. For many, death remains a sensitive topic and, quite honestly, something you’d rather put off for another day. But we know that having these conversations can bring so much comfort and reassurance not only for our plan holders, but to the family and friends they leave behind.
That’s why we’ve created National Funeral Planning Awareness Week, running from the 23 February to the 2 March, to encourage people throughout the UK to reflect on their funeral wishes and take the important step of having a conversation with loved ones about them.
No matter the circumstances surrounding the loss of a family member or friend, having a clear understanding of their funeral wishes helps to alleviate the stress of making funeral arrangements at an emotionally challenging time.
If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, here are some gentle tips on how to approach it:
Pick the right moment
Start small, talk more generally about cherished memories and future life plans as a way of easing into deeper conversations. Starting the conversation over a relaxed cup of tea can make the discussion feel a lot more comfortable. You could even use examples of funerals you have attended or seen on the TV or news to gently introduce the topic.
Find a comfortable setting
Since discussing your funeral wishes can be difficult, choosing a comfortable and relaxed setting can make it easier to open the conversation. Talking face to face, in a quiet place and free from interruptions can help make the discussion feel more natural and less daunting.
Use words that feel right
When talking about death, it’s important to use language that feels comfortable for you and your loved one. Being open and honest about your feelings is key and sometimes speaking in a direct way can be helpful. However, you might choose to soften your words by using light metaphors and euphemisms instead.
Start with the practical steps
One simple way of easing into the topic is talking about practical things like making a will or where important documents are kept. This can naturally lead to conversations about your final wishes without it feeling too overwhelming. This can be especially important if you are asking loved ones to take on responsibilities such as looking after children or pets.
Think about your wishes first
Knowing exactly what you want for your funeral can make the conversation feel a lot easier. Take some time to think about your wishes – would you like a burial, standard cremation or direct cremation? What sort of service would you like, and if so what kind? Your loved ones may have questions, and that’s okay. Being prepared on your thoughts can help guide the conversation and can make sure you get the most out of it. Involving them in the process can also bring a sense of reassurance and connection.
Listen and reassure
Since talking about death can be difficult, your loved ones may not have thought about your funeral wishes before. So, when you sit down with your loved one approach them with warmth and kindness – your body language and tone can help ease them into the conversation. Listen to their thoughts, feelings and don’t be afraid of silences, tears or emotion. Reassure that this is simply to make things easier for them in the future and that you are there to support them.
